I realized yesterday that ministry is a battle. I've been told this before and have realized it on other days, but yesterday was tough. I also realized that sometimes when I write this blog or send updates, I create a rosy picture of all the great things happening (because there are so many!) but I fail to shed light on some of the tougher realities of the ministry I do day in and day out. So here's a few realities for you...
This particular club yesterday is large, about 50 kids. Most of them really good kids, excited to be there. However the past few weeks a group of 4th & 5th graders have been creating problems. Excessive drama, talking, not listening/following directions, threatening fights with each other, name calling, etc. Each week we try to separate certain students or have a teacher sit with them to try to help with the issues. Yesterday, however, nothing worked. Out of control is the only thing I could think of to describe this particular group. So in a very loud and motherly voice I got their attention. They were quiet for that moment. I was upset, more than I ever have been, because my expectations were higher for these older kids. I yelled at them and lectured them and the principal happened to be in the room and backed me up so I knew I was not overreacting to their behavior. I explained to them why they can't act certain ways, etc. and explained the purpose of what Good News Club is and they were welcome to leave if they weren't there for the right reasons. None of them did thankfully. But following this time of "setting them straight", God's peace came over me.
He reassured me that I was doing what I was called to do. He reminded me that Satan wants these 4th & 5th grade souls and God is using me as a weapon to fight for them for His glory. He reminded me that so many times He has brought out His dad voice in my own life and yelled at me and asked why I couldn't listen and just do what He asked. And how His expectations are higher for me because "I should know better." He reminded me that He loves me and each of those students. Even though I felt frustrated, defeated and worn out I knew that this was just one battle in the spiritual war for God's kingdom.
The reality is ministry isn't easy and I never expected it to be. It's tough, it's gritty, it's frustrating. There are so many great things that are happening and that God is doing but I felt that I needed to share my heart a bit on the messier side of this ministry. Thanks for praying for me, my team and these students! If you ever want to join me in the trenches, put on the armor of God - and come battle with us. All for the glory of God!
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